This post came about as a result of a conversation on Twitter this morning with the lovely Srimati which ended with us agreeing to each blog tributes to our partners and then link to each other’s posts. So here’s mine.
My Lovely Husband is the rock upon which my life is based. We came to each other later in life when we’d both been knocked about a bit and we agree that we’d have been ENORMOUSLY bad for each other had we met earlier.
There were no soaring violins or sudden giddy rushes of blood to the head when we got together, rather it was feeling of joyful peace, as if both of us knew from the word go that we’d finally come home, and that everything would be all right from now on.
When I think of my first marriage, I recognise that although I adored my husband I lived a life of fear – fear of doing or saying the wrong thing, fear of being like his first wife, fear of losing him, fear of expressing my unhappiness.
There’s no fear in this marriage (well, not for me there isn’t. I asked MLH what he thought but he was too terrified to answer!) just a deep feeling that I am truly known and truly loved.
It hasn’t always been like this. We’ve been married for 10 years and 3 years in MLH was critically injured in a road accident. He suffered severe head injuries and there was a week when I didn’t know if he would live. Then there was a prognosis of severe brain damage and the prospect of his being reduced to a vegetative state.
Then there was a miracle and now, 7 years on, the only lasting damage he’s suffered is loss of hearing in one ear and a tendancy to get very tired.
Something like that is going to put a strain on any relationship and it did with ours. But with the help of Relate we got through it and our relationship is now far more honest and strong than it was even before his accident.
MLH is the kindest, most generous, most supportive person I’ve ever met. He puts up a brave front of being confident but inside he’s really quite shy and he is constantly searching for ways to help others.
When I said I wanted to resign from my well-paid, secure job and become a coach he never batted an eyelid. His response was “I can tell you’re not happy and all I want is for you to be happy, so go for it”. This despite the fact that I was the major earner in our house and we can’t afford to live on just his salary.
He has been utterly supportive of me and this business that I’m trying to grow ever since. He reads my work and heaps praise upon it. He tells me how proud he is of me and he encourages me to keep going.
He brings me tea and breakfast in bed EVERY morning and makes sure I’m out of the house on time. If he thinks I’m working too hard he stands over me looking stern until I turn my computer off.
If he senses I’m tired or distracted he makes tea. He delights in hearing about what I’ve been up to and he understands when I wake up in the wee small hours full of ideas that I need to work on.
If I’m stuck on a problem he tries out some gentle coaching techniques on me to help. He took a free weekend coaching course a few months back to try to better understand what I do and now has an interest in NLP that he wants to pursue.
He makes me laugh, he makes me feel safe and he tells me I’m beautiful. He rubs my back and reads Jeeves and Wooster to me at night to ease me off to sleep.
I want this business to be a success in part because I want to give him the financial security he’s never had – he has horrible memories of hiding from the rent man when he was little, and he’s been made redundant 3 times so to be able to tell him that I’ve got us to a place where he never needs to worry about money again would be wonderful.
He is the love of my life and I am truly blessed.