Achieving the Impossible Day 13

I think I’ve realised what my UBP (Unique Buying Point) is, or at least what lies at the heart of what I do. It came to me in the shower (and doesn’t THAT sound like it ought to be said in Cinema-Trailer-Man’s voice!!) this morning and I’ve been mulling on it all day.

It’s Fear.

The process I went through that enabled me to see that leaving work and setting up on my own was all about facing my fears and dealing with them.

This Creating the Impossible programme has, for me, been all about facing my fears and dealing with them – to the extent that I’m now actively hunting them down and exterminating them as they’re being born, rather than waiting for them to take me prisoner.

The work I do with my clients is, it turns out, all about helping them face their Fears and deal with them.

Fear is what holds us back in every situation.

Fear of what others might think of us.

Fear of what others might say to us.

Fear of what others might do to us.

Fear of failure.

Fear of success.

Fear of being different.

Fear of being the same.

Fear of going without.

Fear of having too much.

Whatever demons you have, Fear will be at the root of every one of them, I guarantee it.

I lived a life of Fear for too long.  I moved from Fear of my parents’ disapproval through Fear of my peers’ disapproval to Fear of the disapproval of a succession of partners. That’s done with now.

I lived in Fear of the insecurity that I thought came with not having a steady job and a guaranteed income.

I lived in Fear of following my dreams in case they didn’t work out.

I lived in Fear of talking about who I was and how I felt in case I was rejected.

I lived in Fear of just about everything – but I knew enough to instill in my children the incredible importance of NOT living a life of Fear, the incredible importance of chasing your dreams with single-minded concentration so that you never have to wake up in the morning and know that you’ve let yourself down.

And with every Fear that I overturn, the remaining Fears become smaller and more insignificant and I become ever more aware of the truism that I am the ONLY person that has EVER put limits on what I can achieve, and that the same is true of each and every one of us.

When I think of the work that I do with my clients, Fear is at the heart of all of it.

Some clients come to me because they want a very different kind of life from what they have but are frightened of making the necessary changes. Once we address their Fears (I can’t do things like that, everyone else will think it’s a silly idea, I can’t change my mind about what I want now, what if it doesn’t work out) suddenly the actions become easy.

Some come because deep inside, their real personality is tucked away in hiding and they’re too scared to let it out. That eventually leads to a feeling of being wrapped in fog or mud; unexplained crying; feelings of guilt and worthlessness and all the other indicators that things are seriously wrong and there’s a risk of depression coming up to grab them.

When we start to talk to the real, hidden version of them and find out what IT wants, the transformation is startling. The individual realises that their Fear (that everyone would reject them if they acknowledged their real self and let their True Colours show) has led them in COMPLETELY the wrong direction – the more they show the world who they REALLY are, the more confident and capable they become and the more the people around them appreciate them. (I have a particular client in mind as I write this – I’ve been working with her online since August with my Colour In Your Life programme and she is now unrecognisable from how she was at the start. She’s confident, assured, positive, independent and totally in control of her own destiny and just thinking about how she’s grown makes my heart swell with joy. Did I say how much I love my job?)

And THAT’s why I’m here, THAT’s the role I was put here to fulfill. My gift and my mission and my joy and my passion is about helping people to overcome their Fears.

All the stuff about Colour and Fairy Dust is great branding and a means to an end, and at the heart of it all is work that I do to take away Fear and replace it with Love, Peace and Joy.

Oh how glad I am that I’ve come to that realisation and how peaceful I feel as a result.

Tomorrow will begin the work of deciding exactly what that means in term of what I offer and how I structure it but that can wait. Tonight I’m going to revel in this new place I’ve found.

Thanks for Reading

With Love and Fairy Dust, Cathy

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14 responses to “Achieving the Impossible Day 13

  1. Sounds like a fab shower! I had a bit of an ding dong moment many years ago when I understood that my anger was always sitting comfortably on top of fear….what a release to understand that! To know that anger is just fear in a different outfit. Fear of being abandoned, rejected, judged. When we think of knowledge as power, it is in this context that it shifts the most garbage. Because it gives us the power to change. Keep showering honey and keep the words flowing…. xxx

    • According to the lesson I listened to yesterday there’s a progression of emotions that we have to go through before we can get to Peace, as follows:

      Apathy, then Grief, then Fear, then Lust, then Anger, then Pride, then Courageousness, then Acceptance, then Peace.

      You can only arrive at Peace once you’ve let go of all of your neediness – that’s the point at which you truly realise and accept that “all that I am is good enough” and then all of the negative stuff melts away into the background. It’s a lifetime’s work and it’s not given to many of us to get to a point where we can be continually at Peace but it’s goodjourney to be on, as you’ve discovered 🙂

  2. Challenge!

    (Meant, as you know, with love as always).

    I think you’re absolutely bang on about fear being at the heart of what you do (that sounds wrong…you know what I mean!). However, I’m not yet seeing why it’s your UBP. Surely this would be common to any coaching approach?

    Have I misunderstood one or other of the concepts…or is your UBP actually more to do with the particular way you approach fear with your clients…?

    Sorry if I’ve got the wrong end of a stick here, I just read your post and thought “hmm, as it’s written, that doesn’t quite ring true for me” x

    • Good question, and I’m not sure if I even properly understand the concept of what a UBP is, let alone whether or not I’ve found mine 🙂

      In my head it’s about what’s at the centre of what I offer – so someone who’s work is around helping people to sell would be a sales coach and their UBP would be to do with a particular aspect of selling, such as closing the deal or negotiating effectively. Someone like Michael Neill, whose programme I’m following, is all about getting you to take Action so his UBP is about helping you to overcome your barriers to taking action.

      All coaching is about getting you from where you are today to where you want to be in the future so yes, all coaches will work with people to help them overcome their fears becasue fear is one of the universal blockers. And all coaches have to find a way to reach out to their potential clients to describe how they can help in a way that makes sense to the client.

      So if I know I need help with sales, I’ll look for a sales coach. If I know I need help to take action I’ll look for an action coach. If I know I have lots of fears to overcome, I’ll look for “The Fear Coach…”

      Does that make a bit more sense? ANd can you explain what doesn’t ring true? Do you mean it doesn’t sound authentic?

      • Oh no, it definitely wasn’t a concern about authenticity. I think you’ve described what you’re about very accurately. I think it’s that as you say, fear is one of the universal gremlins, so I assume that it’s got to be a really important theme in all coaching. Eg maybe people don’t make sales due to fear…

        So the ‘not ringing true’ bit was just me not being sure that you’d quite put your finger on what makes you unique as a coach.

      • Ah, OK. As you’ll see from today’s blog I’ve been doing some more thinking about my UBP and although overcoming fear is at the heart of what I do, I think you’re right in that maybe it’s not what makes me unique. Heli’s lovely comment here has been a really big help to me in helping me to understand what attracted her to me, so I’m including that in my thinking as well……

  3. Fear … we all feel it at some point but it is always so comforting to know that we are not alone with it. You have worked through your thoughts deeply and now I must do the same. Thanks Cath

  4. At last you have found it….fear is the universal issue. Everyone has a fear as you point out so well. We are not all able to confront our fears (hence what I do) but good coaching will at least point to where they are and help you to confront them. Tapping them away can be a faster route and quite important on occassions….get tapping Cathy…God’s speed on your amazing journey.

  5. Hi Cathy,
    I’ve been through a lot of coaching blogs lately in my research on both coaching training and getting coached. Your pondering about your UBP has made me wonder why did I choose you ? Without including the obvious which is that you are clearly qualified and have successfully helped people before, here are the most obvious reasons, in reverse order, based purely on your blog, tweets, and a couple of emails we have just exhchanged:

    3. You are honest about your own journey and don’t claim to be ‘finished’. Instead you seek for and embrace change and further development for yourself. And in that process you are letting your insecurities and your personality show, in an honest, entertaining, yet incredibly profound way. This makes you credible as a person. And as you have stated yourself, in baring your own self you have started to filter out people who aren’t right for you.

    2. There is a positive urgency in your tone of voice when you write about wanting to help other people. The mental image I get is that you will *literally* JUMP at the chance to help someone 🙂 This makes me feel you will do some of my worrying for me during the coaching process – rather than leaving me ‘get on with things’ in between sessions. As a WORRIER this is hugely attractive to me and brings a sense of relief even before we have started!!

    1. You think BIG and you make me feel I deserve to think BIG. That you unreservedly believe that I deserve and CAN. Whatever ‘it’ is.

    This last point is very, very important. I am not looking for someone to help me sort out my calendar to make more time for my boyfriend. I am not looking for someone to help boost my confidence so that I can have that difficult ‘how can we make my job more interesting and rewarding’ chat with my boss. I am looking to find out who I am, what am I meant to be doing, and how am I going to go about doing it.

    I think that’s what you do with people. BIG things 😀

    • WOW! Heli, thank you so much for that comment, I feel like you’ve completely understood what I’m about. It’s a pleasure and a privilege to have you on my VIP programme and Im really excited about doing BIG THINGS with you 🙂

  6. I think fear is at the root of all our excuses.

    I have written a few times about fear as well, here is one of them.

    http://www.newdaynewlesson.com/?p=544

    • Thanks for sharing your post Susie – I also used to be terrified of dogs (I was bitten by a big one when I was very small) but have overcome it and I’ve found that my own, equally debilitating fear of death has subsided as I’ve got older. Next on my list is fireworks, which is a real biggie but I am actually musing on whether to go to a display this year and see how I get on. Just going out on Bonfire Night will be a step in the right direction!

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