Well, I asked the Universe for help and the Universe came through as it always does.
The first thing it did after I issued my plea for help this morning was to tell me to go back and read Marianne Williamson again. So I took myself back to bed, hid from the world and started to read. I kept drifting off to sleep and although I was suspicious that this was a ploy of my Gremlins to get me to avoid the issue, I did let myself take a couple of short naps.
And then I got to the chapter on Forgiveness and suddenly I was wide awake and reaching for a pen because I KNEW that the person I needed to forgive was MYSELF and that I needed to forgive myself for NOT BEING PERFECT.
I was beating myself up for not doing all sorts of things and, effectively, sabotaging my own attempts.
I was beating myself up for “failing” without acknowledging that what I’m doing here is really, really hard and that’s why lots of people don’t even try.
I was beating myself up for feeling stuck and confused and scared and for wanting to wimp out and forget about it.
And I realised that, if I just forgave myself for having messed some things up and not having done some other things as well as I would like to have done, I could move on a little bit.
So I wrote myself a list of all the things I’ve been letting slide and I started to work through them
The first one I tackled was my emails – I’ve been letting lots of things slide and the more I did that the more I was avoiding my emails, so I started at the top and worked my way down.
And whaddaya know? There, in the middle of my email heap, were some golden nuggets of EXACTLY the kind of help I need, just waiting for me to notice them.
And some of those nuggets led me on to other nuggets which led me on to making a couple of decisions I’ve been putting off and so by the time I went out to meet My Lovely Husband I was feeling a lot more forgiving of myself.
I am though, utterly exhausted. I really haven’t been living as if I value myself (which is one of the things I work on with my clients – I am SO BAD at taking my own medicine sometimes, but I forgive myself!) and so I’m going to take it easy for the next couple of days and see what the Universe brings me.
I have 3 phone calls planned for tomorrow, each of which is as a result of my plea to the Universe this morning, so each of them will bring me something healthy and joyous.
I will come online tomorrow night to blog but other than that I’m staying away from the Computer Beast and treating myself gently.
This is a long, hard road I’m on and I need to pace myself.
Thank you for your continuing love and support
With Love & Fairy Dust