Achieving the Impossible: Day 22

Well, I asked the Universe for help and the Universe came through as it always does.

The first thing it did after I issued my plea for help this morning was to tell me to go back and read Marianne Williamson again. So I took myself back to bed, hid from the world and started to read. I kept drifting off to sleep and although I was suspicious that this was a ploy of my Gremlins to get me to avoid the issue, I did let myself take a couple of short naps.

And then I got to the chapter on Forgiveness and suddenly I was wide awake and reaching for a pen because I KNEW that the person I needed to forgive was MYSELF and that I needed to forgive myself for NOT BEING PERFECT.

I was beating myself up for not doing all sorts of things and, effectively, sabotaging my own attempts.

I was beating myself up for “failing” without acknowledging that what I’m doing here is really, really hard and that’s why lots of people don’t even try.

I was beating myself up for feeling stuck and confused and scared and for wanting to wimp out and forget about it.

And I realised that, if I just forgave myself for having messed some things up and not having done some other things as well as I would like to have done, I could move on a little bit.

So I wrote myself a list of all the things I’ve been letting slide and I started to work through them

The first one I tackled was my emails – I’ve been letting lots of things slide and the more I did that the more I was avoiding my emails, so I started at the top and worked my way down.

And whaddaya know? There, in the middle of my email heap, were some golden nuggets of EXACTLY the kind of help I need, just waiting for me to notice them.

And some of those nuggets led me on to other nuggets  which led me on to making a couple of decisions I’ve been putting off and so by the time I went out to meet My Lovely Husband I was feeling a lot more forgiving of myself.

I am though, utterly exhausted. I really haven’t been living as if I value myself (which is one of the things I work on with my clients – I am SO BAD at taking my own medicine sometimes, but I forgive myself!) and so I’m going to take it easy for the next couple of days and see what the Universe brings me.

I have 3 phone calls planned for tomorrow, each of which is as a result of my plea to the Universe this morning, so each of them will bring me something healthy and joyous.

I will come online tomorrow night to blog but other than that I’m staying away from the Computer Beast and treating myself gently.

This is a long, hard road I’m on and I need to pace myself.

Thank you for your continuing love and support

With Love & Fairy Dust

Cathy

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5 responses to “Achieving the Impossible: Day 22

  1. Hi Cathy,
    it’s an absolutely crazy commitment to blog every day, let alone about something very personal requiring constant self examination, questioning and criticism!!! I admire you for sticking to it, I really do.

    It’s a valuable thing to realise you are not perfect because what you are actually realising is that you are human. What a wonderful, wonderous thing!!

    I am better these days in allowing myself to be less than perfect with SOME stuff. I am still crap at dealing with the unknown, i.e. not having control over exactly how things (any things, in case you were wondering) are going to go. Massive stress over that.

    It’s great to see you are open to seeing all the little things the universe is sending your way either as an answer to your plea, or – consider this – as a matter of fact ;D

    • It’s funny but the one thing that hasn’t felt like a commitment too far has been writing this blog. I don’t know whether I’ll be able to keep up the daily writing but I’m going to do my best because but it’s a really helpful way for me to make sense of the day, and the support I’m getting from lovely people like you who take the time to offer your support lts me know that it’s not just words on the breeze. SO I’m thanking the Universe for you, too 🙂

  2. Good for you Cathy. It sounds as if you’ve well and truly bested that gremlin today. Which just shows – you can totally do this. Look how well you’re doing and how well you’re looking after yourself. It’s no longer a question of whether you CAN do it – you ARE doing it. Keep at it!

  3. BTW I don’t specifically remember Granny May having any purple dresses, but she definitely had a lot of colour in her thinking in general!f

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