This is a Public Safety Announcement.
The Universe is warning residents to be on their guard as a band of skilled Saboteurs is known to be on the loose. Reports of sightings and more serious incidents have been received across a wide area and concern is mounting for the safety of many people’s dreams, goals and aspirations.
The Universe has issued the following descriptions of the members of the Saboteurs’ Gang.
Procrastination: a sly, apparently friendly fellow who can always think of better things for you to be doing with your time – like faffing and snoozing and fiddling around. Treat with caution and keep at arm’s length.
Doubt: prone to hiding in corners and whispering as you go past, fond of questioning your motives, abilities and even your sanity. Wear ear plugs and keep out of the shadows.
Fear: leaps out in front of you shouting “Boo!” when you’re about to make decisions and then proceeds to threaten you with all sorts of dire consequences if you decide to do anything different to the norm. Shout “Boo!” back at him and he’ll burst into tears and run away, leaving you free to make your own mind up.
Guilt: appears in front of you sobbing about how mean you are to him and everyone else and how much meaner you’ll be and how much worse he and everyone else will feel if you’re not around to cater to his every whim. Ask him why he wants you to be unhappy. When he can’t answer you, tell him to get lost.
If you are approached by any members, the Universe advises that the best method of defence is to look them in the eye and shout “Gotcha!” very loudly and clearly, at which point they will slink away grumbling.
If you believe that you may have been a victim of the Saboteurs already it is vital to remain calm. The Universe recommends that you return to whatever it was you were doing before the Saboteurs struck and continue as if nothing had happened.
Thank you for your attention.